Do you want more happiness in your life? Are you tired of
compromising your happiness for that of others? Have you ever
stopped to think about why you behave in certain ways? Do you
ever wonder why celebrities and people in the lime light seem to
crave all that attention?

Well, one theory is that we behave in order to gain approval
from others. This may seem far fetched but think about it for a
minute. Everything we do in life can boil down to 2 fundamental
needs: the need to be loved and the need to be helped. As such,
our actions tend to be determined by our ability to please
others. This stems from the fact that our mind operates in a
primitive survival mode looking to protect us at all costs. This
survival mentality was originally formed during our early
childhood where, as dependent helpless babies, we learned that
it was necessary to please our parents (or caregivers) in order
to get what we wanted whether it be food or milk, and so forth.
If we didn’t gain this approval, we feared the worst – that we
would perish. Fortunately, we are no longer dependent children
needing others approval in order to survive. However, our
conditioning has ingrained in us this need to please others
eventhough it no longer makes sense to do so.

As such, one of our biggest obstacles to happiness in life is
our need for approval from others or our need to prove
ourselves, our fear of disapproval, and our fear of rejection.
It is solely based on survival! Now, the need for survival is
gone but the habit remains.

It is important to realize that when we try to please others we
are always at the mercy of someone else’s response, and thus we
have no control over the outcome. When we act in accordance with
other people’s approval, we are saying that their agenda is more
important than ours. We are saying that they are more important
than us! According to Abraham Maslow, the world renowned
psychologist, “The highest state of man is self-actualization.
And the essence of self-actualization is freedom from the good
opinion of others.” Thus, in order to be truly happy we must
dissociate from the bad and good opinion of others. We must
learn to approve of ourselves and realize that each and everyone
of us is a unique and special person capable of tremendous
things. It is critical to understand that we all live in our own
little “bubble”. We are unique in the meanings that we attach to
the information and events in our lives. Simply stated, two
people experiencing the same event or information will give
different meanings to each based on their own personal
experience, upbringing, programming, and paradigms. For
instance, the word “battle” may elicit a different mental image
or meaning to you then it would to me. As such, how can we seek
others approval when they are mostly likely operating in a
different paradigm than we are? As Stuart Wilde once said “I am
what I am and that’s my evolution, what others perceive of me is
part of their evolution.”

We must also consider that when someone judges somebody or
something else, it says little about the target of their
judgment and volumes about them self.

In conclusion, to achieve true happiness in your life you must
stop worrying about what others think of you. Remember, their
comments are more a reflection of them than you. When you take
something personally, you are showing that you agree with their
opinion and showing that you don’t understand their perspective.
You also position yourself as prey to their predatory remarks.
Just because someone puts poison on your plate doesn’t mean that
you have to eat it because as Eleanor Roosevelt once said “What
others think of me is none of my business!”

So, my challenge to you over the next week is to acknowledge,
yet dissociate yourself, from the comments of others, good and
bad. Remember, every coin has two sides. Meaning that if you
accept someone’s positive praise you will obviously feel good,
but what happens the next time when that person does not give
you any praise for the same action? You will most likely feel a
void. As such, attempt to dissociate yourself from others
remarks and simply be happy with who you are and what you have
done. In time, happiness will be felt when you choose, not
others!

About The Author: Yuri Elkaim is a Certified Kinesiologist,
Registered Holistic Nutritionist, and regarded by many as
Canada’s leading Health and Fitness expert. Please visit
blog.totalwellnessconsulting.ca for more information on
Yuri

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